25/8/14

It's been a while

It's been a few weeks since I wrote anything on here so I thought I'd update what's been happening.

I went on Kayleigh's hen do to Liverpool and really enjoyed the weekend. We went in a stretch Hummer which was a great experience but brought back a few memories from Rebecca's engagement do when we went to her meal in a stretch Limousine. But I enjoyed the ride and Kayleigh's face was an absolute picture when we collected her as were half her neighbours who stood outside watching haha .The meal on Friday night was lovely, the floor show on Saturday was entertaining to say the least, the selfie challenge was hilarious just ask Pauline, meeting and making new friends was great and I'm looking forward to catching up with them at the wedding in a fortnight. Even though I had a minor blip I thoroughly enjoyed the weekend and wouldn't have missed it for the world.

One thing I want to say is that when I get upset it's not because I don't feel I can enjoy myself because Rebecca's not here, I wouldn't dare do that, I'll be meeting up with her again some time in the future and I know she'd give it to me big time if I did. I have moved forward enough now to be able to get on with my life and enjoy things but what I do find extremely difficult is dealing with Rebecca not being here to share things with. I miss all the excitement she would have shown in preparing for the hen do, she would have been in her element going shopping for clothes then organising outfits, jewellery, shoes, spending money etc. I just miss the closeness we shared. I spent a lot of time with Rebecca due to CF and it's treatments, probably more than a lot of Mum's get to do and it made us very close, it's hard now to deal with the emptiness. So if you see me at a do of some sort and I'm upset, please don't suggest Rebecca wouldn't want to see me that way and she would want me to enjoy myself, I will be enjoying myself, just missing the most wonderful lovely person that made my world whole and choose how many years pass by, this feeling will never go away.

On Saturday I went with Paul to Wembley to see Castleford Tigers play in the challenge cup final. Had things been different I would have gone with Rebecca and my Dad, we'd been hoping for it to happen for years, but it wasn't meant to be whilst they were still here. Instead me and Paul went and even though it was different just being the two of us, we enjoyed the day even though we lost. I'm sure they will both have been with us though cheering along and playing hell up for not getting into the Leeds players faces more. I missed not having them with us, but if Rebecca had been on the bus on the way home she'd have been telling the bloke sat in front of us to shut up moaning and sit down, she didn't suffer fools gladly (he was definitely an idiot) and she had a bit of a gob on her when she wanted. Think she takes after my Mum in that way :) some may say she takes after me haha.
It was a good day and I actually met my cousin Stephen for the first time in about 30 years and I didn't recognise him, bit embarrassing really. How bizarre though to see him whilst we were both waiting for the bus to go to Wembley.

It's two weeks to the wedding now and I am very much looking forward to seeing Kayleigh looking beautiful in her dress and see her marry Dean who I think is a smashing bloke, but I'm becoming nervous of how I'll deal with it. It's the first family wedding I've been to since losing Rebecca and that would be difficult in itself but it's also on the same weekend Rebecca should have had her wedding. I know it's a different place in time, it's five years on and it's also a different venue but it's another first to face but with a much bigger emotional pull. I can feel the sadness building in my chest now and I'm hoping to get it out of my system in the next week or so and then be strong on the day. I know from the past though that sometimes these feelings are worse beforehand and the actual day turns out to be better than expected, so fingers crossed. One thing for sure though, I have every intention of having a fabulous day celebrating Kayleigh and Dean's wedding and future life together.

A bit about fund raising

I've collected the last of the swim money in and we raised a whopping £1598 so really pleased with that amount, makes it all worthwhile.

Educating Yorkshire appeared on Million Pound drop and although they didn't win they still donated £1250 to the CF trust. I'm so grateful to the school for including Becci's charity when they went on the programme because CF got a little mention.

Lastly, I want to wish a little boy called Jude well and hope that the chemotherapy treatment he's having at the moment isn't making him too poorly. Jude is the youngest son of Emma Parsons who chose to do the Great North swim for Cystic Fibrosis and Becci's fund even though she'd never met me or Becci before, such a star.
Jude was diagnosed with cancer out of the blue a few weeks ago and is currently going through chemotherapy and hopefully won't have to have too many sessions to get rid of the bloody thing. Sending hugs to you Emma, hope you're all bearing up and if there's anything I can do just let me know.

As always thank you for reading.
Tara for now x