Another year gone!
Crikey, here we are at the end of January and well into another new year.
I got through last year in the main OK. I had a few ups and downs which are hard at the time, especially Rebecca's birthday, that's just getting harder to deal with, but as usual I survived and came through it .
I've had a few little wobbles in the last week or so and feel a bit down at the minute, it just keeps hitting me that it's five & half years since I last spoke, touched or hugged Rebecca and it just floors me for a few moments when it happens. It's hard to explain but it's like being told all over again that she's died and the sudden realisation that it's real and that I'm not going to hear that cough or laugh ever again just bloody well hurts. These feelings used to happen all the time but now it's every couple of months and they used to last for longer periods, now it's a few days, so that's progress.
I've gradually got used to it just being the two of us, but the house still feels so empty without her and it's so, so much quieter. For such a small person she was a massive presence and love in my life and I'll never get used to losing her but I'm slowly learning to go on living without her. It is an uphill struggle and in some ways it's like Rebecca's life, she had to battle every day just to live a normal life and that's how I feel. I suppose I have my health and she didn't and I suppose I should be thankful but it's hard to feel thankful when you've lost the most wonderful daughter and best friend but I'll battle on just as she did because I want to make her proud of me the way she made me proud of her.
So it's onward and upward into a new year with a hope of better times. :)
We've booked a holiday for my birthday in April and we're going to try Cornwall for a change. Hopefully I'll manage to stay for a full week this time. Don't think Paul will be very impressed if he has to drive all the way there and come back after four days!!!!
We've booked to see Mrs Brown's Boys in June and as it finishes fairly early in the evening, we might try another Casino visit whilst we're in Leeds. We're also thinking about booking to see Dynamo but that's not until December. We are trying to fill our time and keep occupied. Rebecca will be pleased we're making an effort, no one liked going to different places and enjoying life more than her:)
I can't get my head in gear for a challenge in June at the minute due to the problematic shoulder but one things for sure, I'm going to have to get a move on. June is only five months away, it'll be here before I can turn around and being 57 and overweight I'm not as fit as I was and taking up a running or cycling challenge is going to take a bloody big effort.
I'm thinking about setting up another blog for Becci's Fund so I can update all our fundraising activities, so watch out for that shortly.
On the fundraising, we're doing a Tombola stall @ Carlton Lanes in Castleford on Saturday 21st March. If you've got any unwanted gifts you want to put to good use, I'll happily take them off your hands. It's my first time doing the prizes and hopefully I'll make as good a job of it as all the others we've done, practise makes perfect:)
My lovely Rebecca doing what she did best, drinking and being on holiday
Hope you haven't fallen asleep reading this and as always thank you for taking an interest.
Cheery bye for now, x
CF is a horrible illness from which children and young adults will continue to lose their lives unless a cure is found. CF is relentless and the effect this illness has on the sufferer and their families from birth throughout life is extremely challenging. Please help us find a cure by supporting and raising awareness.
