Feeling a bit down and how it just comes out of the blue

Before i lost Rebecca i was a strong person who could take on board an awful lot of things and took a lot in my stride. Of course things used to build up and i'd get stressed and struggled to cope but i'd have a good talk with Paul and if i was particularly bad, i'd get referred for a few counselling sessions.

Now, i seem to have lost that strength, maybe because i don't need it for Rebecca anymore, i don't know,

This week i was OK, then something happened that i wasn't expecting, i was fine with it at first.

Then i cleared my late Dad's garage out and although some of the things i found made me smile, i felt like i was throwing him and his history in the bin or taking it to the car boot. I know it had to be done and Dad would say i was daft and to sell what i can for Bec's fund, it's no good to him any more, but it still upset me.

I was still alright at that point.

Then a booking i'd try to make for a surprise i was planning was knocked back, Paul warned me this might happen and normally i would have dealt with it, but it upset me.

After that i was in tears, i watched Emmerdale and watching them break the news of Gennie's death to Brenda (it's a TV show for God's sake) i was in tears, then on to Corrie and watched Hayley and Roy (another TV show for God's sake) deal with the cancer and i was in tears. I mean massive tears, i could have sobbed and since then anything I've thought about to do with Rebecca has brought tears.

Until these couple of things happened i was merrily getting on with life and keeping busy and then WHAM out of the blue i'm off kilter and for a couple of days i can't cope, I feel Rebecca's loss again as if it happened yesterday and wish i could be with her,

I do seem to have picked u a bit quicker this time though and i'm OK again but one thing I've learned is to take every day as it comes and don't expect to much of yourself, grief and the aftermath of losing someone especially your child is unpredictable and the only way to deal with it is in YOUR OWN WAY.

I've put a few more bits on the other pages as well.

Thanks to anyone who has read this.

Tara for now 

Sue x