Sunday 16th October

Time flies

I didn't realise how long it's been since I last blogged so thought a little update was in order. I actually wrote the first paragraph on 28th August but didn't finish it.

Since I last wrote I've been very up and down but to be honest it's what I've got used to. Although it's now been seven years since Rebecca left us and I thought life would have become a bit easier, it hasn't, in fact  since Christmas, it's been harder. I've spoken to Paul about this and it is the same for him.
As months and years goes by I live without seeing, hearing, touching and living with Bec and it's sad not being able to watch her grow older. I talk to her every day and this it makes me realise there's so much happening that she isn't part of any more and it hurts.

Anyway, since I wrote this even more time has flown by.

We completed the triathlon and although it was hard, Emma and Paula who helped me over the finish line were absolute stars ( I don't think I'd have finished without their help) and we raised a total of £1908.00 between us.

We also did a tombola at Ackworth gala and raised £220.00.

Me, Paul and Jess had our mini break in Masham which we thoroughly enjoyed as usual with lovely weather, plenty of walks and copious amounts of alcohol.

We then had the golf day on 30th July and although we raised £1208.00 we were a bit disappointed it wasn't more. This is because we've been used to raising well over £2000 and it felt a bit like a failure. Having said that any money we raise is better than nothing and we are extremely grateful for all the people who tirelessly help us and those who came on the day and played golf and also gave generously. We're also grateful to Kevin manager of  Whitwood golf club who was so helpful and nothing was too much trouble.

As I mentioned earlier, time moves on and so does everybody else's lives and this is where I have problems. I see people Bec went to school with getting married, having children, my own nieces and nephews doing the same. As much as I'm pleased for them and their families, especially my own family, it's also hard to watch knowing it's not something we'll experience. I've said before, I could have accepted not having grandchildren If I'd still had Bec but having neither is cruel and takes some accepting.
I cope mostly but there are times that I can't and when that happens, I just have to let the sadness and sorrow happen and hope it passes quickly.

September was a hard month. My brother Allan died unexpectedly of a heart attack at the age of 61. He's had a few health problems over the years including some issues with his heart but none of us expected them to kill him. I didn't see him regularly, in fact it's a few months since I spoke to him but nothing prepared me for the shock of losing him so suddenly.
I'm still struggling with it at the moment and it has brought back a lot of very painful memories from losing Bec and my Dad. My Dad's 6th anniversary was on 17th September and Allan passed away on the 9th.
I'm not sure if Allan had an idea he wasn't as well as we thought he was because he'd actually left his wishes about his funeral some months ago, one of them being a collection in lieu of flowers and donations to go to Cystic Fibrosis.
He loved and admired Bec and was always one of the the first to give me a donation when I was doing anything for CF so this didn't surprise me at all. Thanks Allan, generous to the end:)

September wasn't all bad though because my lovely niece Kayleigh gave birth to her beautiful daughter Georgia Rose on 11th September. So to Kayleigh, her husband Dean, my brother Rob and his wife Gail ( grandparents for the first time) plus aunty Brogan and Uncle Michael, congratulations on the little bundle of joy that's just made your lives so special.

We're not doing a Christmas raffle this year, to be honest I haven't got the enthusiasm for it. Losing my brother has knocked me for six and we've decided to take a step back and recharge our batteries for a while.
We're still planning on doing the cricket match and I've been in touch with Emmerdale about coming next year so I will of course follow this up if needed.

The running total for Becci's fund so far is £43611.00 so not a bad amount in 7 years.

Anyway, on that note I'll say tara for now and as always, thank you for reading.

Sue x