Life can be hard at times.
Yesterday I went in the mobile phone shop to update my phone and it turned out the girl who dealt with me went to school with Rebecca. She noticed my email address (Bec's old one) and asked if I was Rebecca's Mum. I could tell from the way the conversation was going, she didn't know about Bec, so I had to tell her. It turned out she didn't even know she had CF and I just thought, she didn't know Bec very well. But as was pointed out to me, that was just how Bec liked it, she only told people close to her because she wanted to be Rebecca not Rebecca that girl with CF. It was hard having to tell her even 4 years 3 months and 6 days on and I was close to tears in the shop but I held it together and let it out at work.
Then today it's 3 years since my Dad passed away and even though i'm glad he's no longer suffering and he's with Rebecca, I miss him a lot. I can smile at the thought of them being together because i'm sure they'll be having some fun.
I think it must just be the time of the year because the last few weeks have been hard and I've found myself close to tears quite often. I've even had the feeling that i'm going to wake up from this nightmare and find Bec's still with me and I haven't felt like that for quite a while. It's bloody awful though when realisation hits and you have the face the fact that nothings changed and there's still that horrible emptiness.
One thing I do know though is that i'll get through this again, be ok for a while and build up some more strength ready for when the next blip arrives.
Tomorrow is another day:) X