26/1/14
Ups and downs and new focus's
My new focus is communications volunteer with the CF trust.
I went on a training course to Manchester yesterday and really enjoyed it. I met 6 other people who have volunteered all with connections to CF. A parent, uncle and cousin to a person with CF, someone who had lost a friend to CF and lady who has CF. All have the same thing in mind - wanting to help find a cure for this horrible illness. The job will entail helping the Regional Fundraising managers get information into the media about events or cases of interest. I'm looking forward to seeing how it evolves and I think it will be up to me how much I push my involvement, hopefully it will come in handy for advertising our events.
Can't wait to get started.
Great North swim training
I've been to the baths 4 times now and so far have managed to swim 64 lengths with Brogan and 32 with Maggie. Stamina wise I didn't find the distance difficult but my shoulders and neck really ached so I hope this gets better with time. If it doesn't I'm sure I'll put up with it like I did with running, It can't feel worse than how I felt after the Great North Run.
For me it's all about the challenge of pushing myself to my limits as most CF sufferers have to do every day of their lives just to live relatively normal life. I also like to give people value for money when I'm asking for sponsorship. This leads me nicely on to telling you I've set up a just giving website and is open for donations:) Please free to visit anytime and give me your money.
http://www.justgiving.com/Sue-Marley-MBE1
Ups and downs - just getting it off my chest
I'm really struggling at the moment, feeling down and unable to pick myself up. The weather doesn't help being so dismal all the time but I just can't shake off the depth of despair I feel at losing Rebecca. Some days are much worse than others but the loneliness and emptiness I feel never seems to get any easier, maybe it never will, I suppose I'll eventually just learn to live with it. I get on with my life the best I can filling my time with work and charity stuff and that helps because at least I'm being useful especially where CF is concerned, having said that, I hate the bloody illness with a vengeance, I just don't want it to carry on taking young lives. I try to be as up as I can when I'm with other people because It must get on their nerves being in my company if I'm down in the dumps all the time. Poor Paul, he has to put up with me being a morngy bugger but I know he understands because he feels much the same, he just deals with it better than me and thank goodness he does or we'd both be in trouble.
But, I like to be optimistic and tomorrow is another day and you never know we might get a bit of sun to cheer me up.
Toodlepip for now and thank you for reading.
Sue X
Oh before I forget ,if you want to write a little memory about Rebecca FB me and I'll include it on page 2 of the blog
Sunday, 26 January 2014
Sunday, 12 January 2014
12/1/14
Christmas - New Year - More Goals
Here we are and the 5th Christmas without Rebecca has come and gone.
I think I now have the build up sorted, I just try to ignore it. Don't get me wrong I put some decorations up and went to a works party and enjoyed it, I just don't think too deeply about it. I ignore the Christmas songs in the shops and don't let my eyes stray to cards for daughter and try not to think what I would be buying had things been different.
Christmas day I now get through OK by doing things slightly differently, it's still painful but bearable.Boxing day was enjoyable, we did things a little bit different which made a slight difference and I consumed several pints of lager which helped. The only trouble is that as much as I change things it's still the same, I can be in a room full of people surrounded by family and friends but still lonely because the person I want to be there isn't. New year neither me or Paul could face, we were invited out and at first were going to go, but then couldn't. We decided to just let it pass quietly by without any fuss. Without Rebecca it's not easy for either of us to look forward to the future. That sounds self pitying I know and we do have a wedding and a new baby to look forward to which we are very much looking forward to, but it's not the same. Until you have walked in these shoes, you can't understand the hollow feeling you live with every day.
Having said all that, we both got through the Christmas period without too much crying and are OK, no lingering feelings of grief.
So on to the new year.
This year is the 50th anniversary of the CF trust being formed. In those 50 years even though there is still no cure, there are now more adults living with CF. The life expectancy has risen from teenage to late 30's early 40's. Having said that, there is much more work to be done because only half of the people with CF will reach the new life expectancy and young lives will continue to be lost. I have heard this weekend of a 24 year old girl who lost her battle on Friday, she suffered with the same bug in her lungs as Rebecca and was also turned down for a lung transplant. More work needs to be done on finding treatment for this bug Cepacia, because at the moment there aren't any really effective antibiotics to eradicate the damned thing.
I said a few weeks ago I wanted to do more about raising awareness so I've applied for a job as a communications volunteer. I'll be working for the CF trust as a volunteer for several hours per week dealing with writing press releases, case studies and other communications. I'm going on a training course in Manchester on 25th January to find out more about the job and I'm really looking forward to it, so I'll update when I know more.
On the fund raising, I've entered the Great North Swim with my niece Brogan, my friend Maggie and her friend Emma. My other niece Kayleigh and Dean her husband to be, are also hoping to join us. Swimming 2 miles doesn't faze me, swimming in Lake Windermere does a little bit, but if Rebecca could face and live her life the way she did without much fuss, I'm sure I can rise to this challenge. I shall of course want paying for doing it, so get saving up. Remember this date SUNDAY 15th JUNE:) I've chosen this date as It's near Rebecca's anniversary and I've decided I want to mark her passing with a positive outcome, something she would be proud of.
Come March, my brother Rob is hoping to start organising a walk from Scarborough to Whitby. On completion of this we hope to join Whitby regatta where we hope to have a tombola stall. More about this as it evolves.
The cricket match is still on the cards but we're not sure at this stage when it will be. It won't be early September though as I have a wedding to go to on the 7th. I have started writing letters requesting donations but not much response as yet, it is early days though.
Probably next up will be a tombola stall in Castleford in March, so if you have any unwanted gifts, I can put them to good use.
Hopefully we will try and do as much as possible to help celebrate the 50th anniversary and raise loads of dosh for CF as well.
Sorry for the long post but just wanted to update as much as I could.
Tattybye for now. x
Christmas - New Year - More Goals
Here we are and the 5th Christmas without Rebecca has come and gone.
I think I now have the build up sorted, I just try to ignore it. Don't get me wrong I put some decorations up and went to a works party and enjoyed it, I just don't think too deeply about it. I ignore the Christmas songs in the shops and don't let my eyes stray to cards for daughter and try not to think what I would be buying had things been different.
Christmas day I now get through OK by doing things slightly differently, it's still painful but bearable.Boxing day was enjoyable, we did things a little bit different which made a slight difference and I consumed several pints of lager which helped. The only trouble is that as much as I change things it's still the same, I can be in a room full of people surrounded by family and friends but still lonely because the person I want to be there isn't. New year neither me or Paul could face, we were invited out and at first were going to go, but then couldn't. We decided to just let it pass quietly by without any fuss. Without Rebecca it's not easy for either of us to look forward to the future. That sounds self pitying I know and we do have a wedding and a new baby to look forward to which we are very much looking forward to, but it's not the same. Until you have walked in these shoes, you can't understand the hollow feeling you live with every day.
Having said all that, we both got through the Christmas period without too much crying and are OK, no lingering feelings of grief.
So on to the new year.
This year is the 50th anniversary of the CF trust being formed. In those 50 years even though there is still no cure, there are now more adults living with CF. The life expectancy has risen from teenage to late 30's early 40's. Having said that, there is much more work to be done because only half of the people with CF will reach the new life expectancy and young lives will continue to be lost. I have heard this weekend of a 24 year old girl who lost her battle on Friday, she suffered with the same bug in her lungs as Rebecca and was also turned down for a lung transplant. More work needs to be done on finding treatment for this bug Cepacia, because at the moment there aren't any really effective antibiotics to eradicate the damned thing.
I said a few weeks ago I wanted to do more about raising awareness so I've applied for a job as a communications volunteer. I'll be working for the CF trust as a volunteer for several hours per week dealing with writing press releases, case studies and other communications. I'm going on a training course in Manchester on 25th January to find out more about the job and I'm really looking forward to it, so I'll update when I know more.
On the fund raising, I've entered the Great North Swim with my niece Brogan, my friend Maggie and her friend Emma. My other niece Kayleigh and Dean her husband to be, are also hoping to join us. Swimming 2 miles doesn't faze me, swimming in Lake Windermere does a little bit, but if Rebecca could face and live her life the way she did without much fuss, I'm sure I can rise to this challenge. I shall of course want paying for doing it, so get saving up. Remember this date SUNDAY 15th JUNE:) I've chosen this date as It's near Rebecca's anniversary and I've decided I want to mark her passing with a positive outcome, something she would be proud of.
Come March, my brother Rob is hoping to start organising a walk from Scarborough to Whitby. On completion of this we hope to join Whitby regatta where we hope to have a tombola stall. More about this as it evolves.
The cricket match is still on the cards but we're not sure at this stage when it will be. It won't be early September though as I have a wedding to go to on the 7th. I have started writing letters requesting donations but not much response as yet, it is early days though.
Probably next up will be a tombola stall in Castleford in March, so if you have any unwanted gifts, I can put them to good use.
Hopefully we will try and do as much as possible to help celebrate the 50th anniversary and raise loads of dosh for CF as well.
Sorry for the long post but just wanted to update as much as I could.
Tattybye for now. x
Sunday, 15 December 2013
15/12/13
Christmas is coming..............
For some reason after I wrote my last blog, I got up the next day and felt like I was back in the early days of losing Rebecca. I couldn't think her name without the tears flowing, I couldn't speak her name without the tears flowing, her last days in hospital just kept coming into my mind, they were heart breaking days but I just couldn't stop it. I don't know what caused it or brought it on, these things just seem to happen and I have to go with it until it's passed, fortunately it lasted for that day and the next day when I got up, I was stronger again.
One thing I know i'll never get used to is the feeling of not being complete, I don't feel whole anymore, part of me is missing and that stays with me wherever I am or whoever I am with. I was meant, we were meant to have our daughter with us until we died not the other way round. I don't say much about Paul and his feelings but I know he feels it as well, when we talk about her I can see the pain in his eyes. He tries to stay strong for me the way he did when Bec was here, he's my rock, that's probably why i'm not quite as off my trolley as I would be if he wasn't here to prop me up. So when you read this Paul because I know you will, thank you for keeping me sane.
Anyway after that little blip passed I've kept busy with Becci's Christmas raffle which was drawn on 11th December. It was a great success and many thanks to everyone who sold tickets for us, we raised another £1288.00, fundraising page has been updated with a little photo.
I've put a few decorations up this year for two reasons really, 1) It didn't work last year not having any, it was still hard to get through and B) I saw a medium in January and the first thing he said to me was " you've had a very morose Christmas and you have got to stop it and get on with life". I know that was my Dad talking because it's a word he would use and he'd also have been telling me off. So I've listened and tried harder and to be fair at the present moment in time, i'm not doing too bad.
I went on my works Christmas do on Friday and I had a really good time, I thoroughly enjoyed myself but I did miss Bec. She would have been with us if she'd been here and I was sad that she wasn't out there on the dance floor with all the other young people but after a little chat with Bec's friend Emma, I felt better. It was a really good night and the next day I didn't have a hangover, Bec would be proud of me for that because I usually end up staying in bed all day after drinking a lot, it's true i'm not a light weight any more:)
I know Christmas day will be as hard as it's ever been but i'll get through it like I have the last four with the support of family and friends. I'm going to take each day as it comes but i'm looking forward to going out on Boxing day which is progress and hopefully we might get to a race meeting as well over the holidays, so I am trying to look forward. .
Then it will be a new year and new goals especially in the fund raising, i'll need to get one or two bits waxed, legs, armpits etc:) so as not to scare any of the people when I hit the swimming baths - Lake Windermere here I come!!!! Then a walk from Scarborough to Whitby and the cricket match hopefully, so loads to focus on for 2014 oh and i'm also picking up the trainers in the new year for a bit of running that is likely to turn into the great north run in 2015.
I'll post again after Christmas and to anyone reading this I hope you have a great Christmas and 2014 is a healthy and prosperous new year for you. xx
Christmas is coming..............
For some reason after I wrote my last blog, I got up the next day and felt like I was back in the early days of losing Rebecca. I couldn't think her name without the tears flowing, I couldn't speak her name without the tears flowing, her last days in hospital just kept coming into my mind, they were heart breaking days but I just couldn't stop it. I don't know what caused it or brought it on, these things just seem to happen and I have to go with it until it's passed, fortunately it lasted for that day and the next day when I got up, I was stronger again.
One thing I know i'll never get used to is the feeling of not being complete, I don't feel whole anymore, part of me is missing and that stays with me wherever I am or whoever I am with. I was meant, we were meant to have our daughter with us until we died not the other way round. I don't say much about Paul and his feelings but I know he feels it as well, when we talk about her I can see the pain in his eyes. He tries to stay strong for me the way he did when Bec was here, he's my rock, that's probably why i'm not quite as off my trolley as I would be if he wasn't here to prop me up. So when you read this Paul because I know you will, thank you for keeping me sane.
Anyway after that little blip passed I've kept busy with Becci's Christmas raffle which was drawn on 11th December. It was a great success and many thanks to everyone who sold tickets for us, we raised another £1288.00, fundraising page has been updated with a little photo.
I've put a few decorations up this year for two reasons really, 1) It didn't work last year not having any, it was still hard to get through and B) I saw a medium in January and the first thing he said to me was " you've had a very morose Christmas and you have got to stop it and get on with life". I know that was my Dad talking because it's a word he would use and he'd also have been telling me off. So I've listened and tried harder and to be fair at the present moment in time, i'm not doing too bad.
I went on my works Christmas do on Friday and I had a really good time, I thoroughly enjoyed myself but I did miss Bec. She would have been with us if she'd been here and I was sad that she wasn't out there on the dance floor with all the other young people but after a little chat with Bec's friend Emma, I felt better. It was a really good night and the next day I didn't have a hangover, Bec would be proud of me for that because I usually end up staying in bed all day after drinking a lot, it's true i'm not a light weight any more:)
I know Christmas day will be as hard as it's ever been but i'll get through it like I have the last four with the support of family and friends. I'm going to take each day as it comes but i'm looking forward to going out on Boxing day which is progress and hopefully we might get to a race meeting as well over the holidays, so I am trying to look forward. .
Then it will be a new year and new goals especially in the fund raising, i'll need to get one or two bits waxed, legs, armpits etc:) so as not to scare any of the people when I hit the swimming baths - Lake Windermere here I come!!!! Then a walk from Scarborough to Whitby and the cricket match hopefully, so loads to focus on for 2014 oh and i'm also picking up the trainers in the new year for a bit of running that is likely to turn into the great north run in 2015.
I'll post again after Christmas and to anyone reading this I hope you have a great Christmas and 2014 is a healthy and prosperous new year for you. xx
Sunday, 1 December 2013
1/12/2013
Feeling stronger
The last time I posted was Rebecca's birthday and to say I wasn't good is an understatement but fortunately since then I've picked up and am writing this in a stronger state of mind. Hopefully, this will get me through the next few weeks and this Christmas I'll be better than last.
I've few things to say so please read on:-
Raffle tickets for Becci's Christmas raffle are going well and a big thank you to everyone whose come on board and helped out to sell them. A massive thank you to my Mum for giving us some dosh towards buying the star prize, an Apple iPad and also to Pau's Mum for donating one of the other eleven prizes.
I've updated the page about living with CF and I'd appreciate it if you would read what I've said because it's about how CF affects the body other than the lungs and gut. It's something I need to push because I don't think the general public is aware of what a devastating illness this is and how horrible it is to live with. Another aspect is the emotions young people like Rebecca must go through living with the knowledge that unless CF is cured, without a lung transplant, your life expectancy is late 30's. This doesn't seem to bad when you're 6 but when you get to 25 late 30's isn't that far away and I know from being a mother to someone with CF, when Rebecca got in to her teens, it prayed on my mind an awful lot even though it maybe didn't show. Plus CF can become very difficult to treat very quickly and in a lot of cases, as with Rebecca, the body doesn't respond as well as it's hoped and the downward spiral begins.
On a brighter note, my lovely niece Lynda is expecting another baby and her due date is 10th June 2014. If the baby is born on Rebecca's anniversary it will give me something nice to think about on that day and I'm sure she'll be pleased about the date as well.
On another brighter note, I've got a challenge for next June. To mark Rebecca's anniversary I've decided to stay on the ground this time and do the Great North Swim - 2 miles in Lake Windermere. It's not booked as yet but it will be by the new year.
If my kid could live with CF I'm sure I can do this, of course I can't do it for nothing so be warned, I'll be around with my sponsor sheet again:)
Don't forget as well, anyone that reads this that knew Rebecca, if you have any memories of her (good or naughty) and you want to share them, please let me know and I'll include them on the page about Rebecca.
As always, thank you for reading and Toodlepip for now. X
Feeling stronger
The last time I posted was Rebecca's birthday and to say I wasn't good is an understatement but fortunately since then I've picked up and am writing this in a stronger state of mind. Hopefully, this will get me through the next few weeks and this Christmas I'll be better than last.
I've few things to say so please read on:-
Raffle tickets for Becci's Christmas raffle are going well and a big thank you to everyone whose come on board and helped out to sell them. A massive thank you to my Mum for giving us some dosh towards buying the star prize, an Apple iPad and also to Pau's Mum for donating one of the other eleven prizes.
I've updated the page about living with CF and I'd appreciate it if you would read what I've said because it's about how CF affects the body other than the lungs and gut. It's something I need to push because I don't think the general public is aware of what a devastating illness this is and how horrible it is to live with. Another aspect is the emotions young people like Rebecca must go through living with the knowledge that unless CF is cured, without a lung transplant, your life expectancy is late 30's. This doesn't seem to bad when you're 6 but when you get to 25 late 30's isn't that far away and I know from being a mother to someone with CF, when Rebecca got in to her teens, it prayed on my mind an awful lot even though it maybe didn't show. Plus CF can become very difficult to treat very quickly and in a lot of cases, as with Rebecca, the body doesn't respond as well as it's hoped and the downward spiral begins.
On a brighter note, my lovely niece Lynda is expecting another baby and her due date is 10th June 2014. If the baby is born on Rebecca's anniversary it will give me something nice to think about on that day and I'm sure she'll be pleased about the date as well.
On another brighter note, I've got a challenge for next June. To mark Rebecca's anniversary I've decided to stay on the ground this time and do the Great North Swim - 2 miles in Lake Windermere. It's not booked as yet but it will be by the new year.
If my kid could live with CF I'm sure I can do this, of course I can't do it for nothing so be warned, I'll be around with my sponsor sheet again:)
Don't forget as well, anyone that reads this that knew Rebecca, if you have any memories of her (good or naughty) and you want to share them, please let me know and I'll include them on the page about Rebecca.
As always, thank you for reading and Toodlepip for now. X
Friday, 8 November 2013
Thankful but very sad
Well today would have been Rebecca's 32nd birthday and this is the 5th one I've spent without her.
This morning I walked Jess and cried all the way round on our walk even when I was out of the fields and back on the pavements. If anyone saw me god knows what they would have thought but I don't care really, I needed to do it. I miss Bec every single day with every single fibre of my being but these special days are the worst. Her birthday was something she enjoyed so much and I enjoyed it because she did, she loved getting cards and presents especially surprises and they didn't have to be big things either, she got as much pleasure whether they were big or small. She used to get as much pleasure out of giving presents as well as receiving them. Oh yes we spoilt her, we definitely did, but she was never a brat and always appreciated what she was given.
Although I am in a bit of a state I am also very thankful that I can write these things because even though she's no longer with me I did have her for 27 years 7months 2 days and that keeps me going. I have my memories that I can draw on and other people's memories and although some days the memories work against me by upsetting me terribly and make me want her back with me, I will always have them and I along with everyone else can remember her.
She was a very special young lady ( I use the term lady very loosely, those of you who knew her will understand that) and I love her and miss her and although I cope mostly, these special dates aren't getting any easier.
But on a more positive note I would like to ask if anyone who knew her would like to share your memories of her with me and let me include it on Rebecca's page as a tribute to her.
I've got the following one from Jill, her aunty and best friend and it's fitting hers is the first to be included.
Jill says" First time I took her out we started at Rising Sun with girls from work. She drank everything anyone left on the table and every time someone went to the bar and had a different drink she asked to try it to see which drink she liked best. I created a party animal that night."
I hope you'll be able to share some memories and I'll include photos as well if you can send them to me. xx
Well today would have been Rebecca's 32nd birthday and this is the 5th one I've spent without her.
This morning I walked Jess and cried all the way round on our walk even when I was out of the fields and back on the pavements. If anyone saw me god knows what they would have thought but I don't care really, I needed to do it. I miss Bec every single day with every single fibre of my being but these special days are the worst. Her birthday was something she enjoyed so much and I enjoyed it because she did, she loved getting cards and presents especially surprises and they didn't have to be big things either, she got as much pleasure whether they were big or small. She used to get as much pleasure out of giving presents as well as receiving them. Oh yes we spoilt her, we definitely did, but she was never a brat and always appreciated what she was given.
Although I am in a bit of a state I am also very thankful that I can write these things because even though she's no longer with me I did have her for 27 years 7months 2 days and that keeps me going. I have my memories that I can draw on and other people's memories and although some days the memories work against me by upsetting me terribly and make me want her back with me, I will always have them and I along with everyone else can remember her.
She was a very special young lady ( I use the term lady very loosely, those of you who knew her will understand that) and I love her and miss her and although I cope mostly, these special dates aren't getting any easier.
But on a more positive note I would like to ask if anyone who knew her would like to share your memories of her with me and let me include it on Rebecca's page as a tribute to her.
I've got the following one from Jill, her aunty and best friend and it's fitting hers is the first to be included.
Jill says" First time I took her out we started at Rising Sun with girls from work. She drank everything anyone left on the table and every time someone went to the bar and had a different drink she asked to try it to see which drink she liked best. I created a party animal that night."
I hope you'll be able to share some memories and I'll include photos as well if you can send them to me. xx
Sunday, 27 October 2013
Living in a well
At the moment I feel like I'm living in a well, I'm at the bottom and try as I might I can't seem to get to the top. These last few months have been hard, I miss Rebecca more and more, you'd think it would get easier as the days go by but it just doesn't, that enormous hole she left behind is still as big and it's never likely to change. Every day I wake up and every day I have to accept she's gone and every day it hurts. Sometimes it feels like a sledgehammer hitting me other days a mallet, however I describe it, it hurts like hell. I accepted a long time ago that there was no point analysing how I feel I just have to accept it but writing it down does help.
We've had the cricket match and I've decided to continue trying to get prizes for next year, just so I have stuff to do.
I'm in the middle of trying to organise a Christmas raffle so that's keeping me a little busier than I would be normally, but as soon as I stop, the emptiness closes in, I try to keep occupied but it's hard.
It will be her birthday soon and she'd be 32, I wonder what she would have been doing now. If she didn't have CF, she'd be having a fantastic life, if she still had CF without a transplant, she'd either still not be here or struggling to live, so what's the point of wondering.
Then we'll have Christmas which she loved and which we enjoyed through her. People will say, "you should try to enjoy it, she'd want you to" I know that, but have you tried enjoying something when the person that made it happy for you isn't here. It just doesn't work, that's not feeling sorry for myself, it's just a fact. People are just trying to help and get you to be positive but unless you've lost a child, you can't ever know what that devastation feels like.
I'm not looking forward to the next couple of months as you've probably gathered but as I've had to do over the last four and a bit years I'll just keep plodding along and taking every day as it comes and hope that a few good ones come along soon for a much needed boost before the "festive season"descends upon us.
I did say in my blog when I started I would be honest about things and that's what I'm doing, hopefully my next blog will be a bit more upbeat, I'll try my best.
I've also updated the fundraising page and the living with CF has had a bit more added.
Thank you for reading, XX
At the moment I feel like I'm living in a well, I'm at the bottom and try as I might I can't seem to get to the top. These last few months have been hard, I miss Rebecca more and more, you'd think it would get easier as the days go by but it just doesn't, that enormous hole she left behind is still as big and it's never likely to change. Every day I wake up and every day I have to accept she's gone and every day it hurts. Sometimes it feels like a sledgehammer hitting me other days a mallet, however I describe it, it hurts like hell. I accepted a long time ago that there was no point analysing how I feel I just have to accept it but writing it down does help.
We've had the cricket match and I've decided to continue trying to get prizes for next year, just so I have stuff to do.
I'm in the middle of trying to organise a Christmas raffle so that's keeping me a little busier than I would be normally, but as soon as I stop, the emptiness closes in, I try to keep occupied but it's hard.
It will be her birthday soon and she'd be 32, I wonder what she would have been doing now. If she didn't have CF, she'd be having a fantastic life, if she still had CF without a transplant, she'd either still not be here or struggling to live, so what's the point of wondering.
Then we'll have Christmas which she loved and which we enjoyed through her. People will say, "you should try to enjoy it, she'd want you to" I know that, but have you tried enjoying something when the person that made it happy for you isn't here. It just doesn't work, that's not feeling sorry for myself, it's just a fact. People are just trying to help and get you to be positive but unless you've lost a child, you can't ever know what that devastation feels like.
I'm not looking forward to the next couple of months as you've probably gathered but as I've had to do over the last four and a bit years I'll just keep plodding along and taking every day as it comes and hope that a few good ones come along soon for a much needed boost before the "festive season"descends upon us.
I did say in my blog when I started I would be honest about things and that's what I'm doing, hopefully my next blog will be a bit more upbeat, I'll try my best.
I've also updated the fundraising page and the living with CF has had a bit more added.
Thank you for reading, XX
Tuesday, 17 September 2013
Life can be hard at times.
Yesterday I went in the mobile phone shop to update my phone and it turned out the girl who dealt with me went to school with Rebecca. She noticed my email address (Bec's old one) and asked if I was Rebecca's Mum. I could tell from the way the conversation was going, she didn't know about Bec, so I had to tell her. It turned out she didn't even know she had CF and I just thought, she didn't know Bec very well. But as was pointed out to me, that was just how Bec liked it, she only told people close to her because she wanted to be Rebecca not Rebecca that girl with CF. It was hard having to tell her even 4 years 3 months and 6 days on and I was close to tears in the shop but I held it together and let it out at work.
Then today it's 3 years since my Dad passed away and even though i'm glad he's no longer suffering and he's with Rebecca, I miss him a lot. I can smile at the thought of them being together because i'm sure they'll be having some fun.
I think it must just be the time of the year because the last few weeks have been hard and I've found myself close to tears quite often. I've even had the feeling that i'm going to wake up from this nightmare and find Bec's still with me and I haven't felt like that for quite a while. It's bloody awful though when realisation hits and you have the face the fact that nothings changed and there's still that horrible emptiness.
One thing I do know though is that i'll get through this again, be ok for a while and build up some more strength ready for when the next blip arrives.
Tomorrow is another day:) X
Yesterday I went in the mobile phone shop to update my phone and it turned out the girl who dealt with me went to school with Rebecca. She noticed my email address (Bec's old one) and asked if I was Rebecca's Mum. I could tell from the way the conversation was going, she didn't know about Bec, so I had to tell her. It turned out she didn't even know she had CF and I just thought, she didn't know Bec very well. But as was pointed out to me, that was just how Bec liked it, she only told people close to her because she wanted to be Rebecca not Rebecca that girl with CF. It was hard having to tell her even 4 years 3 months and 6 days on and I was close to tears in the shop but I held it together and let it out at work.
Then today it's 3 years since my Dad passed away and even though i'm glad he's no longer suffering and he's with Rebecca, I miss him a lot. I can smile at the thought of them being together because i'm sure they'll be having some fun.
I think it must just be the time of the year because the last few weeks have been hard and I've found myself close to tears quite often. I've even had the feeling that i'm going to wake up from this nightmare and find Bec's still with me and I haven't felt like that for quite a while. It's bloody awful though when realisation hits and you have the face the fact that nothings changed and there's still that horrible emptiness.
One thing I do know though is that i'll get through this again, be ok for a while and build up some more strength ready for when the next blip arrives.
Tomorrow is another day:) X
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